Cosa Nostra

A thing of our own, if you can gatekeep it.

As you are all no doubt aware, the Sad Seattle Toy Brand has stepped on their dicks with their recent announcements regarding their plans for a new edition of not!D&D and a new not-so-open-license. This is nothing new really, just another skirmish in the cold civil war, the post-modern day kulturkampf, wherein the rainbow-tribe take anything and everything you love, murder it, and wear it’s skin around town as a suit and demand that you use it’s new preferred pronouns. So yes, go ahead and rage and protest, but be not confused, the soulless multi-national corporation’s betrayal of you was sudden, but inevitable. They hate you and want you to die, so for the love of your hobbies, the graves of your ancestors, and your selves, stop giving them attention, let alone your money.

More than ever it becomes clear that we must be hobbyists not customers. We must return to the roots of our hobby. We must create our own games and share them, with no expectation of becoming the next TSR or GW. It’s not going to happen, fam. Not only is the macro-economic story of today so vastly different from that of the 70s and 80s that allowed the founders of iconic hobby brands to buy mansions and supercars and snort copious amounts of coke and party with bunnies at Hefner’s house, but the world were bearded full-metal-anorak wearing dorks could make it big on vision and aesthetic and a hot new take on wargaming simply doesn’t exist anymore, because we stopped having children. However, even it was, that’s exactly how we got here.

I know, I know, I’m treading on your dreams. I wanted to sell a big box full of gothic space fantasy miniatures like hotcakes and snort blow from a hooker’s belly too, but it just ain’t in the cards.

We must be hobbyists, some of us can make a living at being pro-hobbyists — I see you there Mr. Macris, you absolute mad-lad — but certainly not all of us, but we can create our own games, print our own minis, and other pastimes (even if you paint your prints, you’ll need to learn play solo), and share them with others, maybe even earning enough to make our hobbies pay for themselves. And we must do it this way, we must reject modernity and return to wargaming tradition because the alternative is simply to join the herd and consoom.

And don’t kid yourselves, this will not be easy. They will call you a nahstee for not wanting to swallow their shallow and hollow plastic tripe, their beyond-meat version of your favourite thing. Get used to being ostracised again, but hey, we can take it, we’re used to it. The weak and the uncreative are always jealous of their betters. And you are better than gross nerds and consoomers, never forget it.

And this is why we must gatekeep our hobbies. Because we are better, our little thing will have autist-cred. Because it has cred, there will be entryists and poseurs trying to worm their way in to our thing and repeat the rainbow-skinsuit cycle. Just see the latest dick-step move from the gene-stealing synthetic rainbow replicants over at the ‘Templin Institute of Reading the Wiki on Camera for Clicks’. We must gatekeep early and gatekeep often. Only YOU can prevent synthetic infiltration!

This is your warning to watch any newcomers to your spaces closely for signs of mutation, witchery, and heresy. Make any 5E refugees go through ruthless funnels, cut them zero slack. Make them earn the cred to sit at your tables as full brothers.

Remember, an open mind is like a fortress with gates unbarred and unguarded. These are the same people that cheered when Sad Seattle Toy Brand removed problematic things like ‘race’ and ‘evil’ from their toys, and applauded the firing of /our guy/ Blaine for the awful offence of being a normie-tier 1990s conservative. I know right? Literally Hitler lmao.

#GATEKEEPHARDER

And never forget, fandom is a hobby not a brand identity, so don’t give money to people who hate you!